the receipt

in history class today, our guidance counselors had meetings with us individually, but first we had to fill out this sheet about us and our future and all that college-y type stuff on a piece of paper. don't let this deceive you, it was not in fact a piece of paper but three, in that receipt style where you write on one and it writes on all of them... if you mess up, you mess up on all of them... if you draw a pretty picture, it draws a pretty picture on all of them! these things only happen if you press hard enough and have the right pen (if i was with my friends i feel as if that line would have somehow been made dirty.)

anyhoo! the paper asked general things about me, in preparation for college applications.
it asked about:
my character & traits
my next chapter
my activities
possible fields of study
my future
academics & tests

parts of these were not unknown to me and easy to fill out, such as what schools i'm applying to, my fields of study, and my activities. however, it also brought new things to my attention.

when writing a little blurb in my future, i wrote how i wanted to go to 4 or 5 years of college and travel. how i want to gt out of california for a while and maybe i'll go to the peach corps. this isn't much news to me, but it was nice to know i have some idea where i'm heading.

in my activities section there was a place to write about family. i noted that i was the baby in the family. i also realized that my mom leaves me home while she travels, which shows that she has trust in me. somehow it just feels like i could write about that or use that for college somehow because i am responsible. i also noted that i don't spend too much time with my dad and that my parents are divorced, but i refuse to play that card while trying to apply to schools.

regarding my character & traits section, i struggle. i hate describing myself. my brain does not allow me to apply descriptions to myself, unless they are not positive. this means that i usually describe myself as sub-par. i like to pretend i see things more realistically, i am not incredible and that's just how it is. many of my friends are admirable though, some way more than others. they have things that make them shine. i don't know what makes me shine, i have yet to discover it, and until then i shall forever doubt i do. so, now that i've gone on a nice tangent, i want to list that section because it felt most important to me. who i am is a big deal and it matters because i am a human in this world and i have to live with me. call me selfish, i probably am, but i won't know how to work with others if i can't work myself. i also feel that in terms of college and essays that knowing me, rather than what my future is, will be more interesting and real. i will also feel more comfortable writing about something i believe in, rather than some bullshit i fabricate.

personality traits:
sensitive (the only word i will almost confidently apply to myself)
responsible (boring word, yeah!)
honest (most of the time)
conscientious

skills/talents:
artistic (i realize now i should have written creative)
singing (this was basically just to write something, both were, i do not actually believe i have talent in terms of my voice)

interests:
art (making it)
walks (see below)
beauty (in the world, i will drive places and walk places just to enjoy the view or some part of nature)

strengths:

(yes, you're reading that right, i didn't write anything down)

struggles:
procrastination! (times one billion!)

as i wrote that i realized that i also am interested in driving. i enjoy driving. filling out that section really opened up my mind, i tried hard to find words to describe myself. as many people around me, i settle with describing myself as 'being lucy'. my friends choose crazy and silly. i usually go with poop, but in the end we all agree on lucy. as my friend tells me, "you're just lucy, there's no other way to describe it." maybe someday there will be.