the what

i can't think of a word to describe where i'm at.

i have turned in my packet to my guidance counselor meaning i have a pretty set list of colleges right now. i may add one, but i highly doubt it. i have a lot of school to apply to right now anyway. but i have my stuff for him turned in and will have an interview with my counselor in early november so he can write my letter in time for my early action at MassArt.

just as review, here are the schools i'm applying to: Berkeley, UCSC, CSU Long Beach, MassArt, Syracuse, Oberlin, Puget Sound, Wash U, MICA, CCA, and OCAD (those in bold are my top choices)

speaking of, that is big news i guess: i am applying early action to MassArt, which in art world terms means December 1st, which isn't terribly early.

yet, i am behind in everything relating to college. i was supposed to turn in my CSU application years ago and the UC applications are next. i am ignoring them all and living my life. my mom not being around and my birthday aren't really that great of excuses why i haven't been working towards my future.

what else do i have to whine about?

after being very interested in art school for a long time, liberal arts are coming back into view and becoming more of a possibility. we'll see.

lastly, i have greatly let my grandpa down by deciding to not apply to Stanford. i hear about it every time i see him and it's hard to deal with. it makes me sad that i can't make him happy by going to a place that he loved so much. it was such a big part of his life and only possible because of the GI bill and such and so it hurts me to not go where he wants me to go, but i do not believe it is what i want. it's hard to get so much repeated pressure and not have a good enough excuse to get him off my case. my mom ended up telling him off, which wasn't a bad thing in my eyes, but it just made me more sad.

i also hate when people start talking to me about things that i am avoiding cause it makes me feel bad enough within myself and then others bug me about it, i guess without realizing that i am plenty good at making myself guilty and them pushing me isn't going to help me change my ways or start working on applications. i guess this doesn't have much to do with college, but there is my rant.