the ponderance

i think i may have made up that word, but it is basically me pondering things, but i wasn't going to change my blog title theme. that previous sentence was horrible, i apologize to the "grammar folk."

right so as i eat my peanut butter and chocolate chips (straight from the jar!) and for the past few months, my worry has been what specific stories are there about me in class for my teachers to write about?!?!

honestly, i spend about 17/23 of my life in the art room and maybe 3/13 of my time around mr. smith and i can't even think of a story about me in that class that says something about who i am as a student or a person. let alone for my physics class last year or my other academic teacher who continues to remain a mystery.

i have to fill out forms for each of them and it is going to be tough for me. i obviously think about myself consistently, but i don't notice things that make me "special," i just am me and i don't think about it in terms of a specific story to tell. the only story i can even think of that describes me right now is how i ended up with two different flip flops on after driving the other day because i had absent-mindedly left a second pair in my car (since i drive shoeless 21/27 times).

other than that, my brain was dwelling on leaving a few weeks ago and i realized i never wrote about it. it was this weird phase that i just thought about how sad and weird it is going to be to leave this place. not that i am particularly fond of this place, but all the same i grew up here and have roots here, so i'm attached. plus i've started finding great friends and my umbilical cord to the art room doesn't help much either. i am so, so, so ready to adventure on my own and be an independent little birdie and go sailing away from the nest and all that cheesy bullshit, but it's still an odd feeling of leaving every part of your little world behind and only taking a few pieces with you. sometimes i wish i agree with holden caulfield and think we should be able to hang onto everything, but i realize i have to also grow up. it still makes me sad though, but i guess i'll move on (and come back to visit.)